This was my prayer...this was my answer

My bunk bed is my thinking stool. After all, normally every night I'm there - with myself (and sometimes that's annoying, but I cannot see a way out of that).

Myself (me), is not how Myself want Myself to be.

Confused? Let me rephrase that:

Myself (me, Bethany Grace) was completely fed up with Myself (me, Bethany Grace).

I had (and still have) very good reasons to think so. Only until recently did I realize about every 1.5 seconds I had something to complain about. Or tease about. Or laugh about.

Upon my dear Mother, reading a book called Boyhood and Beyond (written to boys, but it is extremely good for anyone to read), I stumbled upon a chapter which started this whole thing in the first place.

It was about devotions and how God wants to meet you in the morning. He wants you to come to Him. Uncomfortable is a word I'll use for how I felt. On normal weeks, I was only able to open His word about once. Once.

There are 168 hours in a week, and yet I couldn't give up one little hour for God.

Whenever I hear something inspiring, I get inspired for one morning and then it rubs off. Thus ended my resolution (after the chapter from Boyhood and Beyond) to meet with God every morning.

I literally spent my nights in dread up on my bunk bed. Although I struggled with meeting with God in the morning, I did pray every night before sleep knocked me out.

I hated it. You can't pray when you have a guilty conscience. At least I can't.

So, I prayed every night to become closer to God. And the next night, I'd gape in despair because nothing happened. I'd pray the same thing. And the same thing happened.

One Sunday morning, (during this whole disaster) our normal Sunday school teacher was gone. We had a sub come in (it was his first time teaching a class our age).

Guess what he talked about.

He spent thirty minutes on devotions and shared his struggles with us. I was amazed.

And guess what happened. I got inspired again. And it lasted for about one day, and then went out.

Lord! Why isn't this working!

I was on my bed again praying the same prayer and utterly crushed because I was sure my problems had been solved. And now, I didn't believe it could be. It wasn't possible. Perhaps God heard, yes, but it just wasn't working.

The next Sunday, our Sunday school teacher was gone. Again. We had the same sub who didn't have enough time to prepare a lesson. So guess what we did.

We talked about the lesson before (boy, was there some long conversation). Everyone in our class (which consisted of four - including the teacher) all shared the same problem. We struggled with it.

And in bed that night (inspired all over again) it hit me across the forehead. Hard. Was it a strange coincidence I was taught the very thing I was struggling with twice? Did He answer my prayer and I wasn't even looking?

I sat on my bed, trying to think of a time I went through some trial similar to this (on my bunk bed, no less) where it hadn't been resolved. I couldn't think of one.

I was so caught up in my "problems" that I wasn't even looking for the solution, or an answer - because I didn't expect one.

If you skimmed through my whole little story above, just please read this last little part:

God does answer prayer. All the time. Just not how you think He will.

If we have God, we have nothing to complain about, and we have everything to live for.

In the midst of my struggle with God, I also struggled with complaining and telling others. I often used the excuse, "I can't, because no one really will listen." Which also means, I can't think of anyone to tell.

 Did you know, if you are a Christian and have a blog, you have the entire world at your finger tips.

Concerning complaining, read through Psalms. Nearly every Psalm will start and end with a verse of thanksgiving or praise to God. There is no room for complaints in our life, when we have everything we need.

We lack nothing, if we have Christ. So although the trials seem to sting and be despairing, we have the weapon to overcome them. You just have to look for it.